


What We Should Have Never Been

by WAWritings



Series: A Long and Bitter Road [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Felix is a tiny angry sociopath, Locus is just kinda done with Felix being a giant baby, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-12-27 19:04:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12087417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WAWritings/pseuds/WAWritings
Summary: “Sam the next time our target is a woman, don’t let me flirt with anyone. Punch me in the face instead, it will be far more pleasant.”





	1. I Will Make You Burn With Me

"I feel this is the beginning  
The beginning through the end  
There's nothing left to fear now  
So watch me close as once again you  
  
Burn me alive  
Set me on fire and watch me die  
Burn me alive  
Watch me resurrect right before your eyes"

"Burn", In This Moment

Name: Agent David Washington

Age: 25

Psychological conducted test number 55

Agent Washington continues to show advanced signs of paranoia, anxiety, insomnia, and abandonment related issues stemming from both the Epsilon unit and previous life experience. All attempts to medicate have been met with furious refusal. Unsurprising. Will continue to provide counseling services and interviews.

 

Interestingly enough Agent Washington is showing higher intelligence than previously displayed. This is possibly due to the residual effects of Epsilon or that he was “playing dumb” in order to keep his position on his Freelancer team secure. What he has not denied is the fact that when Epsilon broke apart in his mind “killing itself”, it left him with an eidetic memory.

 

Another observation worth noting is his distaste for the hospital room we have been keeping him in. Agent Washington complains that is both to bright and that he is desperate need for fresh air. Again this is unsurprising considering the fact that it has been six months since he was placed in isolation. Being declared unfit for duty does not however seem to bother him.

 

In regards to his team Agent Washington appears to be most distressed over the loss of both Carolina and the corruption of Maine. Both of which he had an overwhelmingly close relationship with. It is currently unknown, but worth questioning, whether or not he and Agent Maine had a romantic relationship. If so it could prove useful in the apprehension of the Meta. Will conduct next interview at 09:00

     Interesting Locus thought as he read over one of the many reports pertaining to Agent Washington. That a man clearly so clever had allowed himself to be manipulated by an organization so easily. Then again David Washington was a man who thrived on self-control and stability because up until joining the military, the young man had absolutely none. The young soldier’s story rang with a familiarity that left Locus feeling a bit uncomfortable. There was a long history of violence documented throughout Agent Washington’s files. The only thing that was assured in all the psychology interviews was that Agent Washington adored his sisters and despised AI. The other thing that was a bit disarming was his apparent adoration for Agent Carolina. The two had apparently shared a very close relationship. The man was an apex soldier whose heart seemed to be pulled in every direction. If pressure was applied in all the right places the man could easily be pulled apart. The next few weeks would be interesting to say the least.

     Perched atop the cliff Locus listened in. Agent Washington was running the teal soldier, Tucker, through knife drills relentlessly. Interestingly they were out of armor and using red paint to count strikes completed versus missed.

     “Tucker, I’ve told you a dozen weak spots on the human body a million different times.” Washington twirled the blade in his hand. There was a cocky smirk on his face, that of a confident man. The tall blond man looked tired though, and it was likely that his documented insomnia still plagued him.

     “Yeah, I know. My hearts just not in it today,” Tucker answered. The teal one was not untalented, moving with grace. But his downfall was his lack of discipline.

     “Run through them with me,” Agent Washington demanded but lowered the tone of his voice. Now that was interesting. All day the man had been drilling Tucker relentlessly along with the other blue soldier. But his voice here was soft and gentle then, like a lovers might be.

     “Armpit, jugular, eyes, belly, groin, back of the knee, Achilles, and lower back.” The younger man answered almost on autopilot. Agent Washington smiled and pressed a quick kiss to the smaller man’s temple. It was a soft and proud thing.

     “Good,” Agent Washington praised, “Go shower, I’m going to walk the perimeter. Please check on Caboose when you’re done. Even though Freckles is official off our tail, I’d still like you to check in and make sure he hasn’t killed anyone of destroyed anything.” Tucker rolled his eyes but parted from Agent Washington with a soft smile. They were close.

     The two of them were partners and lovers that much was clear. Felix would be overjoyed. Locus had learned early on that Felix liked to toy with emotions. Even when he first entered their unit as a fresh faced soldier, he pulled strings. Everyone were his puppets and him the puppet master. Locus on the other hand enjoyed knowing his targets through and through. What drove them, what made them squirm, and what they loved. Agent Washington loved the dark blue idiot like one might a child. But Tucker, Agent Washington loved Tucker with all of his being. That had been evident in the way he had handled Tucker’s body with a gentleness that seemed reverent. Manipulating the two groups would be easier than initially thought. Split up Tucker and Agent Washington and they would be tearing through each other’s respective armies to get back to one another.

     The sound of brush crackling softly behind him told Locus that Felix was approaching. It was something that that his partner did to make sure that his presence was known before getting completely into range. It was easier to avoid a bullet that way.

     “You’re late,” Locus told his partner. The soft resounding laugh from behind him was his only answer. The glint of orange out of the corner of his eyes was striking and distracting. Felix always liked to be loud, which is why he chose such a gaudy color in the first place. The first thing Felix wanted on him were eyes.

     “And you’re being awfully quiet,” Felix slunk forward and gestured for him to pass the sniper rifle. Though he preferred close range weaponry, Felix was more than adept with a rifle. “God they are boring,” he said as he peered down the scope.

     “Agent Washington and Lavernius Tucker of the Blues are together.” Locus stood and cracked his back. The perch was hidden well enough that there was no reason to hide his movement. Felix glanced up and there was a flash of white teeth in the darkness.

     “Are they really?” Felix chuckled, “Now that makes things a little more fun.” Locus plucked his sniper rifle from Felix’s hands and set it down on the ground next to his bed roll.

     “During our ambush we should separate them. It will cause emotional strife and they will lose a bit of their edge,” Locus explained and settled with his back against the stone wall of the canyon. Felix ruffled his sort copper hair. The moonlight danced off the metal in his ears and through his nose.

     “And I’ll be sure to keep them as far away from one another as possible. Don’t you worry.” And that was the thing, Felix would keep them apart. There was no reason to worry in the first place.

     Locus and Felix had an unconventional relationship to say the least. They had known one another for a decade and to a point he had watched Felix grow up. During the war Locus had a soft spoken but highly intelligent recruit with a knack for knives and manipulation added to his team. The two of them had butted heads but they were both surviors. After the war they had been bounty hunters, Felix had been at his best then. It was sometimes astounding to see him move, it was the complete opposite to his own brutal fighting style. Felix moved like water or wind, dancing around a target. But what made him terrifying was his words, he could make you believe anything even if it was just for a moment. It was terrifying and beautiful at the same time. There had been so many people who had fallen in love with them; it always ended in heartbreak, whether that was literal or figurative depended on the day.

_“Sam,” Locus looked up and saw Felix looking at him. There was blood spatter dotted across his cheeks and neck. It made him look wild. It brought back memories of war. Standing up Locus walked to the bathroom and wet a cloth returning to stand before his partner._

_“Sit,” He ordered. Felix rolled his eyes and sat at the end of the bed. With practiced hands he ran the cloth over pale freckled skin. It came away stained red but his partner looked less like a barbarian. The job they had ran had turned sour in the last hour or so. Their mark pulled a gun and had managed to shoot Felix in the shoulder twice._

_“Are you done?” Felix grimaced. It was rare to ever see a pained expression on his face. Locus cocked a brow. “I need morphine, lidocaine, and this bullet out of my body. It hit bone,” Ah, the shoulder was never a fun place to take a bullet bit even less so when it hit bone rather than fatty tissue or muscle. Luckily the first one had been a through and through._

_“Relax Isaac,” It was rare for them to use their given names anymore. They were hardly those people anymore. Opening the medical case, Locus removed alcohol and swabs. Swabbing over a vein in Felix’s arm he pushed the needle into the skin. After hanging the IV bag filled with fluids, he injected the morphine. Felix’s eyes fluttered and a soft smile appeared on his face. It was always odd to see him medicated; he lost all the sharp edges and actually looked his age. The lidocaine came next and then came the digging. Once the bullet was removed and the stiches were in place Locus stared down at the sleepy young man._

_“Get some rest,” He told him, “You’ll be fine tomorrow,” Felix snorted in response. And then the miraculous happened, there were no witty replies or arguments just silence. Felix had fallen asleep almost instantly. It was rare but there were moments when Locus’ partner occasionally looked child-like and soft. It never lasted long._

     “You fucking suck!” Felix groaned and run his hand down his injured calf. The bullet had been removed a few days prior but it was still ridiculously sore. Discomfort was hardly the problem.

     “You were the one who told me to shoot you,” Locus reminded Felix subtly. Glancing up he caught the older man’s eye. Things had been different of late. There was something even more withdrawn about Locus. That was the irritating thing. It wasn’t something exactly normal but Felix liked people. Liked toying with and manipulating them. Locus was one of the few things that he had never been able to claim. Never been able to completely own body, soul, and mind. And that was just irritating. And Chorus had the strange effect of reverting his partner to the man he was during the war. Which meant an insufferable soldier.

     It had been a few days since he had managed to get the Red and Blue idiots back to the base. Kimball loved them in her own way, that was easy to tell. Being in charge of so many child soldiers had starved the woman for any semblance of adult conversation. Which had allowed Felix to edge in right where he needed to be. With the other soldiers there, there was a smile on the woman’s face once more. None of them were all that interesting, except maybe Tucker. Now that one was fascinating. Lavernius Tucker was a man who had immeasurable talent and absolutely no resolution to follow through. It was easy to tell when they trained with blades that Tucker’s muscle memory did wonders. Agent Washington was to thank for that. A nasty little smirk always crossed Felix’s face when he thought about the final battle. Running through with a few blades would be a divine sort of irony. Locus was handling the Agent Washington portion of the plan. The two lovers would unfortunately meet a very sad and fitting end. Felix had already laid the seeds of torture, the pain. Death for those two wouldn’t be a release. It would be purgatory. They would die next to one another, just out of reach. Only to have the pleasure of watching life drain out of each other’s eyes.

     Felix felt Locus standing off to the side staring. Ignoring his presence, he read reports instead. It was amazing how detailed the Director of Project Freelancer had been. What was even more interesting was how detailed he had been in documenting his own daughter’s life. Disturbing even. Personality traits, fears, lovers. Agent Carolina, now there was someone who intrigued him. A fight with her would be heaven.

     “Let me see your leg,” Locus ordered. Shifting slightly Felix offered him the injured limb without looking up. Firm hands shifted the cotton of his pants out of the way and surveyed along the limb. “Everything is fine, you should heal in about a week.” Felix sat down the file and stared at Locus for a moment. In all the years that they had known each other, only one of them remained untouched by time. Tanned skin was still tanned. The scar on the bridge of the nose had not faded. Steady eyes were still steady and firm. That mind was still a little broken and cracked around the edges.

     “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt Sam,” Felix grumbled. In response his injured leg was dumped unceremoniously onto the bed. Names, they were a funny thing. Sam didn’t exist to anyone other than them but it carried with it a burning weight. Their names were reserved for their most private moments.

     “Be careful Felix,” Locus warned. Looking at him, there was that nagging feeling that had been following him around for a while now. Uncertainty had never quite been Felix’s friend.

_The smell of clean sheets and fresh toast woke Felix. This was decidedly Locus’ apartment not his. The wound at his shoulder ached like a bitch. A fresh syringe of morphine had been loaded and laid waiting on the bedside table. The IV fluids had been removed but the line was still attached. Sometimes Locus knew him a little too well. Standing Felix cracked his back and surveyed the room. Surprisingly it was furnished beautifully with cherry furniture and grey textiles. There had been many times he had found himself in Locus’ apartment but never in his bedroom. There was the smell of menthol and basil throughout. It was familiar in a comfortable way. It was the smell that had he had followed into war and then into a somewhat civilian life. Injecting the morphine and replacing the cap, Felix tugged on a pair of loose sweat pants. Breakfast was apparently waiting._

_Seeing Locus with his hair braided and a cup of tea in his hands was a life changing experience. During war they slept in their armor and now they didn’t see each other in the morning unless they were working a job. So the domesticity of the whole thing was frightening. The sleepy droop to his eyes was also a little foreign._

_“I thought you might never wake up,” Locus chuckled and passed Felix a cup of coffee made the way he liked it. Gingerly taking the mug, he leaned against the countertop and leveled Locus with his gaze._

_“Sam the next time our target is a woman, don’t let me flirt with anyone. Punch me in the face instead, it will be far more pleasant.” That earned him a soft smile and a knowing look from Locus. They had known each other far too long for their own good._

_“You and I both know that you’d do it just to spite me,” Locus murmured and sipped on the tea that smelled of chamomile, “You’re a flirt. And you clamoring all over a petite French blonde saved us the trouble of hunting her down. You’ve got a type and for once it worked in our…well my favor,” Locus sounded almost pleased with himself. It had been a club setting, they really needed to stop accepting jobs that lead them to clubs, and Felix had seen a pretty blonde. He had meant to simply blend in while Locus found their target. The target had been on his lap when she felt the knife sheathed near his back. Bitch had pulled a simple 9mm out of nowhere and landed two in his shoulder._

_“Fuck you,” Felix groaned and rolled his neck, “It’s men from here on out. Women aren’t worth the trouble. Or even better, next time you try fitting in.” Locus raised an eye brow and Felix immediately sighed. Locus was a giant man and looked out of place anywhere they went. Without even speaking a word  Locus had a point._

_“Go sit down, I want to check your shoulder.” Locus informed him._

_It wasn’t super common knowledge but Locus had served as their unit’s sniper and medic. The hands that glided over his shoulder were firm and assured in their measurement of damage._

_“So doc am I going to live?” Felix questioned when the silence got too heavy. Letting his head lull back. Locus rolled his eyes and seemed to notice something._

_“I see you found the dose of morphine I left you,” That was the terrible thing about having Felix’s type of complexion. Anytime he ingested any type of drug or intoxicating substance, he was prone to getting flushed and glassy eyed. The freckles were the really damning part, they did nothing to disguise the fact that he was fucked up._

_“Yes I did.” Felix slunk back in the chair and let himself go loose limbed, “And it is fantastic.” It happened in a second. Felix almost missed it. Locus had actually allowed himself to trail his gaze up Felix’s body appreciatively. Usually Locus never allowed himself such things. As a matter of fact in all the years they had known one another he had never seen Locus with someone._

_“Will you be staying to eat or will you slink back to your own abode?” Locus questioned and turned away from Felix. Their entire relationship was just that. Felix making an advance forward and Locus turning away and giving him nothing._

_“I think I’ll stay,” Felix answered and got to his feet. It made him burn inside. What about him was so undesirable that his long-term partner wouldn’t even look at him unless he thought Felix wasn’t watching._

_It wasn’t his best idea in hind sight. Walking straight to Locus, he turned the larger man around and looked him dead in eye. There was nothing there, just stony resolve._

_“You are an absolute fucker, do you know that?” Felix groaned and rose up on his toes to kiss Locus on the lips. When there was no response, he pressed another and then another. “Come on!” Felix exclaimed and lowered down on his heels._

_“Are you done?” Locus asked. A snarl ripped its way out of Felix’s throat before he could stop it. It was childish but he turned around and waltzed to the kitchen. “Isaac are you done acting like a damn teenager or do you want to discuss the actions you just took.” That was how it always was. Was that it? Did Locus still see him as the teenager that had been assigned to the same team as him._

_“I saw how you looked at me Sam!” Felix exclaimed turning around. He was met with an even gaze. It was infuriating in the worst ways._

_“And?” Locus asked as if that was supposed to answer every question Felix had racing through his mind. Throwing his hands up he moved to turn again when a large hand caught his wrist. Fighting against it for a moment, he stilled. It wasn’t worth the fight. “I can look and appreciate without wanting anything. That is a thing that some people do. If you cannot handle rejection than I suggest you grow up,” It was said without the venom Felix expected to be there. It was spoken coldly, without any emotion. Heat flew to his cheeks from the utter humiliation that he was being put through._

_“God you never want anything! Would it kill you to grow some balls and take something you want and enjoy yourself for once in your life?” That was all he got out in a long monologue before he was gripped around the waist and deposited onto of the kitchen table. A pair of soft lips trailed up the length of his neck and hips found their way between his legs. Head tipping back, Felix grinned as teeth nipped at his pulse. Burning took on an entirely new meaning as hands yanked his hips forwards, grinding them together._

_“How about for once in your life,” Those lips against his jaw trailed and ended next to his ear, “You shut up and just take what you’re given.” Those words didn’t sting because Felix had gotten everything he wanted._


	2. Hold My Heart Because Its Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let me have recovery.

“I thank you for all the lives you've led  
I thank you for every word you said  
I thank you for walking away  
I thank you for the promises you broke  
For always watching, watching while I choke  
I thank you for teaching me  
Yes, I thank you for your hurting

I bite down a little harder  
My blade’s a little sharper  
My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow  
Strike back a little harder  
I scream a little louder  
My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow  
I’m stronger than I ever knew  
I’m strong because of you  
I hit back a little louder  
Fuck you a little harder  
My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow”

“Roots”, In This Moment

 

            There’s blood and bile in his mouth when Felix dies. The sensation of a dead friend, of a lover slipping away is almost all too familiar. Locus can’t say that he’s sad per say. Maybe just bitter over all the could have beens. The damage done to his body forces him to slow and reevaluate. Morality was never something had been an issue before. Orders and loyalty had been all that mattered. Now there was no one to give orders and no one to remain loyal to. Back during his time in the military, Locus’ CO had a saying. _Dead soldiers are worth their weight in gold, and the broken ones aren’t worth a damn thing._ It had made sense at the time. Plenty of men lost themselves in times of war. What young Sam hadn’t realized was that sometimes what came after war was worse. The same thing applied now. Felix was gone, Isaac was gone. And with Felix left the last shred of the identity that Locus had clung to.  There was nothing but ashes, blood, and the bile in his throat.

___________________________________________________

            There’s blood in his mouth again and Locus spits it on the ground as the man before him crumples unconscious to the ground. The terrified woman stares up and him with so much joy he can’t bear to look her in the eyes. Bending down Locus tilts her chin up to look at the crooked angle of her nose and the black eye just starting to form.

            “Are you alright?” He asks quietly. The woman nods and takes the hand offered to her. The freckles dotting her nose make the woman look younger than she is.  The toothy grin she shoots him is familiar but he just can’t place it.

            “Yes, I got in a few good shots before you showed up.” That had been obvious from the bloody nose and scratch marks down the man’s face.  The knuckles on her left hand were bloodied, which she casually wiped on her shirt.

            “We should get you to a police station to report this,” Locus knew where it was like the back of his hand, “What’s your name kid?”

            “Abbey,” She smiled and extended her hand, “Abbey Washington,” So that was it. Life truly was ironic. Even on this small colony the past haunted him. The universe put him in the path a family member of a man whom he had recent tried to remove from the face of the planet.

            “Well Ms. Washington,” He paused, “Let’s hope you’re ready for a long night,”

            “Shit, I’ve got a flight back to earth tomorrow morning.” Running a hand through her hair, she paused. “Thank you sir, things would have gone a lot worse if you hadn’t been here.” It was the first time in a long time that someone had said thank you. It made the inside of his guts twist. No one should be thanking him.

___________________________________________________

            Agent Washington’s sister was like something that belonged in a children’s novel. The bright gleam in her eyes was like the sun and her smile was toothy and genuine.  The story of how she ended up in a fist fight with a man twice her size was ridiculous.  It involved a girly alcoholic beverage called a lady killer, two lesbians, and a hair tie. By the end of it Locus was happy he stepped in because Abbey Washington was clearly incapable of make safe or educated decisions. It was honestly a miracle she had survived as long as she had on her own. All thanks to the training from her older sister who was waiting for her back on earth.  Just like her brother she was animated in the way she spoke, hands constantly moving. Voice fluctuating up and down as she told her story. Locus was under the impression that the police felt much the same as him, sitting between disbelief and horror. All of it stirred those guilty feelings. This wasn’t the place for a man like him. When they were done giving statements and descriptions, they went their separate ways. The next morning Locus stalked behind Abbey Washington to make sure she made it safely onto the shuttle home.  And for a moment he felt at peace. Later that day the raid came that killed off the entire settlement. Locus survived.

___________________________________________________

            It was a cold day in hell that Locus sat next to Dexter Grif while the man babbled. The color of his armor was softer and warmer than Felix’s had been but the color put him on edge for an entirely different reason.  Right next to him was man just genuinely just happy to have someone to speak to. Grif was for lack of a better description, a gentle giant. The man had killed and didn’t seem to really relish it. The man just wanted the simple life. Grif was everything that Locus had wished for in a partner. Easy going and gentle. Locus thought that was hilariously flawed due to the fact that the man had multiple weapons on his person and was rather morbid.

            “Do you have any family? Are they dead? I have a sister. Sometimes when we were little I wished she was dead. Now I just wish that she would keep her legs closed. As  her older brother I feel it’s my duty to keep her out of trou-” A harsh intake of breath startled Locus out of the state of almost annoyance he was in. “Oh my god! I should call her!” Sighing he turned to look at the other man.

            “Yes, yes you should.” It seemed obvious but what Locus had gathered over the last hour with the other man was that the Grif family was complicated.

            Locus found that the quiet of space was soothing, even with Grif talking. It felt good to hear the sound of someone else’s voice echoing around him. The things that were spoken were nice. They were gentle things. Things that Grif was passionate about. Locus found himself less worried about how things might turn out and more worried about the way his heart ached. How the vast emptiness was being filled with something better. And as they neared the Blues and Reds base of operations, Locus steeled himself. Feelings made things sloppy. Despite the fact that the Blues and Reds were sloppy and nearly useless , they had the power of vengeance on their side. And that was a powerful thing.

___________________________________________________

            Nothing prepared him for a room full of dead freelancers. Cradling Carolina gently against his chest he settled her down on the couch. With a practiced movement he removed her helmet and lifted her head.

            “Drink,” He ordered and for the first time he saw her face. There had been pictures but none of them did her beauty justice. And for a moment he was struck by how cruel the world must of have been to make her eyes lose their light and to riddle her body with scars. Where Agent Washington wore his trauma quietly, dangerously, Carolina was a exposed nerve. Even though she disliked him, she gratefully accepted the water. Drinking slowly, she pulled away and let her head lull to the side. Exhaustion, dehydration, and starvation were all fighting for her attention. Across the room Agent Washington started to giggle, hands raised in the air reaching for something unseen. Carolina caught his gaze and managed to roll her eyes.

            “Go take care of goofy over there,” There was a fondness in her voice, “He’s worse off than me. He hasn’t been able to take his medication in days.”  Standing, Locus made his way to Agent Washington. Once again removing the helmet to offer water. Instead of the admiration he had upon seeing Carolina, he was met with a personal horror. Agent Washington was gaunt and his breath was shallow. Locus knew Agent Washington’s medical history. The man had so many near death experiences that there was bits of him damaged to the point where a slight injury could set off a chain reaction . Water was the most important thing now. Re-hydrating would help his mental state some. Food would come next.

            “Agent Washington, you need to drink.” Locus tried to get him to swallow but the man just scowled.

            “You are not the boss of me!” Agent Washington exclaimed petulantly. Oh it was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long gap between updates. I have had a rough last couple of months. Some family stuff came up and I lost my will to write for a bit.

**Author's Note:**

> I always like to think about how Felix manipulated and changed Locus from a soldier to a killer, and how his death inevitably shaped him. I wanted to look back at who he and Felix were and how they got where they were in the end.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated!


End file.
